Forever Never/The Dawn of Illusion…Loneliness


Forever Never/The Dawn of Illusion

by Cheryl Pennington

the next chapters


I am publishing my novel here in the hope that it will inspire others to explore their sense of self, reaching beyond what the mind whispers to the soul, to find the mirror of truth that reflects the true nature of that soul. Then it is possible to see the true beauty that is every one, each a separate piece of the All that Is.  Only by remembering that we are one will we understand that to seek wholeness from any love outside of ourselves is a fruitless process.  All that we need lies within, within each and within the All.  There is no separation save the illusion of this physical life.  The only true moment that exists is this one.  The only real thing within it is Love.

I hope you stick with the story as it unfolds for as surely as we struggle and seek our own truths, the characters that come to live upon the world of Inion will know struggles and challenges, darkness and light.  Share their adventure.  Please leave me a comment if you read. I am open to any suggestions. Thanks! And if you are here for the first time, you can read the other book posts by looking for the black and white bird and the book title among the past posts.

Love and Light,


The Keeper of Dohman grows lonely…..


Forever Never/The Dawn of Illusion

by Cheryl Pennington

copyright all written and artistic content of this blog

Return of the Son
And what of Mac?  Inion wondered what had become of her twin.  Although felt fullness through her various Creations, scattered throughout the Eternal Realm, still missing was the sense of wholeness she felt when she worked with her brother.  When she questioned Mor about this emptiness, Its reply came in truth, for It knew only truth.  “Mac recognizes the darkness that grows within his own creation and cannot, in Love, destroy it, nor does he wish to share in its journey of ego. Neither can he accept that the way to repair it comes only from first looking at the Source of the Error.  It will come to Him eventually, just as it will come to you.”

In confusion, Inion spoke earnestly to her Father. “But if it is so simple, why does he not just understand? Why does he not let the Light illuminate him so that he will feel whole and begin to create once more without fear?”
Great Spirit’s reply was again honest, although surprising to Inion, “Why don’t you join him in his meditation and healing?  There is something within your own Essence which must be recognized for you also to feel complete.”  Inion could not imagine what it was that her Father was talking about.  She knew that she tried, once her had anger passed, to find Mac and reconcile with him; but he had withdrawn so deeply into the heart of the Eternal realm that she couldn’t reach him.  And she couldn’t leave her World unattended…

Mor knew Its daughter’s thoughts and continued to try to spark her understanding, “Are you certain you are shed of your anger and disappointment over what happened on your Dohman?  Just as Mac must recognize the Light within himself that is dimmed since the Original Separation, so too must you recognize the fracture that was left within yourself, the place that exists as a void.  This void, even though very small, is what causes you to feel unnecessarily separated from Love and forced into isolation, even though you are never alone.”

Realizing the truth of Mor’s words, Inion cried, “No Father, I don’t want to recognize it!   I try; but when I look closely, it seems as a shadow over my soul. I work to keep the darkness hidden-from others and from myself.  I create from the light of Love, and all of my creations return that love to me.”

“Then go in peace my Daughter, and continue to Create. I want only what you desire for yourself in this existence we have begun together.” Mor was happy to hear her words but wondered about the wisdom in hiding from oneself.

Inion left her Father with one final question, spoken from a young soul’s ernest hope. “Will we ever feel whole again, Great Spirit?’

  “Most certainly”, came the reply; but Mor knew Its own deception this time, born not of darkness but of Love.  Great Spirit knew that only by returning all which now existed outside of Itself back to the source would there be total reconciliation.  It would consider these things.  What was once whole could be made whole again.  But how to do it without dissolution remained a mystery.  Meanwhile, there were all these new sensations to absorb. It would continue communion with Its Son, although the healing was taking longer than Mor had hoped for.  Mac’s World needed his wisdom and Love before it was beyond repair.
XII Loneliness

Lonely for her twin, Inion began to request Bandia’s presence more often, asking the goddess to share in her creation on other Worlds.  Indeed they produced beautiful spinning orbs of energy and light throughout Eternity; but not since M’na’s birth had the First Mother brought flesh and blood life to exist upon them.  They were as mere blossoms in the face of Eternity, there to delight and entertain.

   All of Inion’s attention went to her first world.  When she and Bandia were in Mor’s presence, they felt as close to complete as was possible within their own existence.  It was for this reason that they communed with their Father often, leaving them very detached from the physical world of Dohman; and it’s Keeper was suffering from the separation.
M’na was experiencing her own newly formed sense of loneliness when the Goddess mother was away.   She came to realize that the world she walked upon was so dense that she could barely communicate with those in the realm.  She could not hear her Mother’s voice when the goddess was away from Dohman, but was thankful she could still feel her essence. It was all she had in those times.

M’na longed for a constant companion, one that spoke with a voice as she did, that could understand her way of living and would love her even as she loved her Mothers and Great Spirit.  The creatures of Dohman had a deep fondness  for their Keeper, and M’na knew this.  Still, she felt lonely as she watched so many of them move across the land as one-eating, playing and even dying together.
The Keeper of Dohman felt a pang of something else when she watched them join physically so that their line would continue; and she saw the comfortable way they lay down together as the dark night swallowed the sun.  Each and every living thing had its own way of continuance; but they all had another to share it with. All except She.  Again and again she watched this process with awe and amazement, understanding the need for balance in her world.  More recently, however, a strange heaviness seemed to descend upon her soul.  The small but present empty space vibrated from within and begged for a drop to quench its thirst.  What would she fill it with?

M’na often spoke aloud to her own consciousness, sharing her feelings of isolation and emptiness even in the face of so much life around her.  She felt isolated in her plight.  Her Mother could move between worlds, often leaving M’na to consort with the creatures of Dohman in her way.  Even with her ability to shape shift, to be among the creatures on her world as they were, she knew she was different. She could take their form, but she could not BE as they were naturally.  There were times she wished she had simply been created as one of them.  Her favorite moments were spent with the winged ones, where she soared above towering mountains, wide grassy plains and vast waterways.  And the seas…how she loved to slip into the silky, fluid form of the creatures that lived there.  She felt honored to be with them, dipping deeply under wave and foam into their dark world below, then rushing back up to the surface to feel the warmth of her sun once more. It brought her a sense of completeness.  She thought these must be the most joyful creatures Inion and Bandia had created yet.
It was on one of these water days, as she slipped up onto the grass beside a stream where she had been swimming, that it happened.  She didn’t know why it happened this day, at this precise time, but there it was.  Self awareness was awakening within the Keeper of Dohman.

   As she leaned in over the water, she noticed something, as if for the first time.  The bright surface was completely still, and she noticed that clouds seemed to be drifting there upon it. She reached out to touch them; but when she did, a wet fingertip sent them scattering into ripples of disappointment.  When the waters became still once more, the clouds returned.  This time she looked up…and-yes!  The very same clouds drifted over her head.  The curious female leaned more closely over the shiny surface and peeked again at the clouds floating there.  In awe, she lifted her hand to her mouth and saw something else!  This something looked similar to herself. She knew her own body, her skin coloring, her hair, but now…this other that blinked back at her from within the still waters.  She let out a small gasp and watched as the other gasped also.  It covered its mouth with its hand! She felt her own breath on her fingers. She saw dark wet hair clinging to a delicate form and followed the path to where it hung into the blue green water. There, in the shallow edge of the stream, at the end of the path where her own hair connected to that of the image, was born the Keeper’s sense of self.
M’na watched this apparition floating on the water’s surface and spoke to it, “I am M’na.” As she saw the lips move and heard her own voice, something stirred so deeply within her soul that she wept.  They were tears of joy, pain and emptiness all at once; for now she had felt the fullness of communion with flesh and blood, even though merely with her own reflection.  Now she could name that emptiness which had been gnawing away at the cords of her peace for so long.

How long she sat there and contemplated these things she was not certain. What was certain was that she would return there again and again. She would look upon her visage in human form and watch herself change.  When her wandering was done, she would gaze into the fluid again to see the look on her face as she returned to her own form, feeling the ecstasy of standing and breathing as only she could do.  She admired her Mother’s handiwork and didn’t question the inception of this new seed of consciousness, sprung up from the original place of separation.  It was Self Discovery, bringing with it the knowledge that one is apart, no longer joined with the whole.

(In truth, this was a mere deception for all was all, separation being merely an illusion) 

She could dip her fingers across the image in the water and watch it dissolve into circles of color and light, the vision gone.  If only she had understood how easily, as well, that the Illusion could be scattered. ‘If there was another’, she surmised, ‘one to walk with me; then I would live just the same as all the other creatures here. I am alone as I am. How could this be?’

When Bandia joined her daughter upon Dohman, she was greeted by a hungry M’na, one ready to express her desire. She was innocent and not cunning. It was with excitement and expectation that she shared her new understanding and hope with the goddess.

   “Mother, I have lived long upon this Dohman and cared for  its living things, sharing my love with all that is here and keeping things in balance.  Even in your absences, which have been long and often of late, I continue to exist within our world-alone.”  Before Bandia could absorb the sting of accusation in M’na’s words, her daughter spoke again.  “I know that there is important work for you to do with Mother Inion; and I understand how it may be burdensome for you to think of me here, alone, and missing your company. I feel a great emptiness these times without companionship.  Might I ask you to consider creating another-one to keep in step with me and to help with the care of our World?”

Before Bandia could respond, her M’na added, “I have observed that every living creature here has another, one much the same, but different, which balances their energy as they move together through life. “Please, Mother,” M’na asked in earnest.  “In this way would my loneliness be eased and your freedom be greater to be in Eternity as long as you are needed.”
Bandia considered the things of her daughter’s heart.  Because of her deep love for M’na, the goddess wanted only peace and happiness for her. She should know joy in her life of responsibility, that life for which she had never asked but had accepted with great devotion. Remembering her own sense of loneliness before M’na was born, Bandia hoped to be able to fill the empty place within her own child now; and in so doing, she might continue to fill her own cup with love enough to quiet the nagging voice that cried, “Never enough! You can never be enough.” If M’na was happy, then Bandia could return to work with Inion to prove her worthiness as the Goddess she was created to be.
“I need to speak with Inion and Spiorad Mor before giving you my answer,” she told her daughter.  “You must be patient and know that our love for you will guide our decision. Everything which comes into being has an effect on all else in Eternity. When I return I will have an answer for you.  Until then, know that I am with you in Spirit and always only a Thought away, as is Inion and Spiorad Mor. You must never forget this.”

M’na wanted to show patience but her heart ached in loneliness. “What shall I do with my days while I await your answer, Mother?” she plead.

“Be in contemplation for how you will receive this gift from your Creator,” came her mother’s reply.  This filled the Keeper of Dohman with much comfort, feeling assured that all would be as she wished it.

XII  Lonely Daughter of Darkness

While M’na basked in the warmth of her mother’s love, patiently awaiting word from Eternity, a similar scene was being played out upon Dohman Eile.  It wasn’t to have the same outcome, however.
Mac en Mor also loved his Creation.  He loved to watch her move across the surface of their World, much as he had secretly watched Bandia and M’na.  All these feminine energies stirred something deep within his core; and he was not yet certain if it was from Light or Darkness, only that it filled him with a great desire.
Wise enough to understand he would not be allowed to interfere in any way with Inion’s lovely Dohman or its inhabitants, he tried instead to mimic their beauty within his own creation.  He was diligent in giving her all the qualities he had observed in those willowy creatures that moved upon the world of Light.  Fluidity of motion, silken skin, bright eyes and dark, full lips were the outward marks of delight he appreciated.  She was indeed lovely to look at; but brought to life from his own essence, she held within her soul a full measure of his own Darkness, leaving a most significant void there.  She was hard, cold, and did not attract him as the others did.
Still there was a strong bond between Creator and Created, a sameness which connected them-or so he thought. Little did he realize how strong the Light was in her soul, waiting to be awakened.  Too engulfed in his own Perfection, he was not in tune with her vibration and never felt her hesitations as she cared for their dark World. In Truth she loved Mac en Mor as only a child could, for she knew no other.  He had given her life, and she would be all that he asked.
As’me walked upon the surface of his bleak and foggy illusion and cared for all of its living things, although she did not like the way some of them slithered and wound around her legs as she moved.  Others made low, hissing noises and guttural moans when she passed.  When any of them rubbed against her smooth skin, she could feel the sharp tips of their talons and razor edged scales, but she was not afraid.  None dared harm her, for to do so would be to incur the wrath of their God.  There had been those unfortunate creatures who tried to rise up, even attack his Presence; and they had been crushed into non existence.

Mac en Mor’s Love for his World was great, but his need for control outweighed any tenderness he might feel for the life upon it. Of course As’me grew lonely there, her own need having a much sharper edge than that of the female on Inion’s world.

Knowing her Creator’s patience was short, the daughter of Dohman Eile chose her words carefully.  “Father, I am so weary of being alone on this cold, dark World.  I walk with your creatures and feel the same blood coursing through my veins as theirs when I am in their form; yet, I know I am different.  I am not as diminished as they are, crawling upon the rocks or drifting across the black skies.  Nor am I as Great as you are my God, my Master (clever girl).  With your ability to pass between this World and Eternity, you may know communion with Great Spirit whenever you wish, leaving me alone with only my heart to talk to.  Where is my other, the one who will walk beside me, hold my hand, and speak as I do whenever I wish to know conversation?”

At first Mac en Mor was angered at her insolence to suggest such a thing; but quickly his Ego, that prickly vine, recognized her understanding of his true greatness.  He did have much love for all of his Creations, most especially this human one.  But to share her with another… He could scarcely fathom it. He considered another possibility…after all, as a God he was able to take form as any living creature upon his World.  Perhaps As’me’s need for companionship could be combined with his own newly budding need for something else.  Just the thought of it brought him pleasing sensations.  It was not Love, but something near it. It had been a long while since Mac en Mor walked upon the surface of Dohman Eile, and everything needed to be perfect for his idea to play out. So he stalled.
“Be content for now, daughter, and I will let you know what can be done once I have spoken with Spiorad Mor. There are preparations to be made before we can give you what you want.”

He did not intend to speak to Great Spirit although the Creator heard his promise and waited; but Mac en Mor never came. One promise was kept, however; he did indeed make preparations, with great care and cunning…for he had been observing the happenings on Dohman.

XIV The Plan

With a genuine desire to ease her daughter’s emptiness, Bandia joined Inion and Mor in the Eternal realm to ask permission for a new creation upon Dohman.  The goddess suggested perhaps a sister, one who would be the same in spirit and body as M’na.  With this sister, she would know companionship and have help with the care of their world.

Inion did not hesitate to express her feelings and felt much compassion for M’na.  “Father, I understand the emptiness that comes from being without another to accept one’s love and to return that love in kind.”
Mor, now aware that such emptiness was born at the moment of original separation and was not the result of any true lack of Love, considered the possibilities.  Another of exactly the same feminine essence would, in time, simply recongize her own emptiness, leaving yet another hungry soul to feel alone. Perhaps if they created a being  with its essence drawn from Mac, making it more strongly masculine, then perhaps these in human form might strike the balance that somehow was lost at the moment of Original separation. Mor shared these thoughts with the Feminine before It now.

“We could create another, also human in form and thought, but its Essence would come from a source not of the Feminine.  It would come from your Twin. It is time for Mac to return from his isolation and join in another Creation of life.”
Inion was hesitant at first, remembering the great catastrophe that had nearly split her World apart when Mac en Mor was created.  But she relented, not wanting her human child to suffer loneliness any longer and agreed that this was a reasonable plan.  Bandia would agree with whatever Great Spirit and Inion decided, as long as her daughter would be comforted and she could continue her own work in the Eternal Realm. She hardly noticed the sense of slight she felt at not being allowed to join in the creation of this new life.  It was only a tiny chink in the edge of the empty space, after all…

“Oh Mother, thank you!  I will never want for another thing once I have someone to walk beside me in this life.”

(Foolish, the promises that come in earnest but do not yet understand the passing of time and the depth of the empty cup)

Bandia shared with the daughter of Dohman about the masculine energy that had thus far been absent upon Dohman, except among the creatures.  She told her of the Great Catastrophe when the God of Dohman Eile was born, he who chose to live in Darkness and not honor the light within. The goddess shared the hope of a return to wholeness with the union of masculine and feminine upon the physical world, so that they could keep the darkness from arising there.
Her words filled M’na with new sensations, something felt tight within her chest, and she began to shake. She wondered what caused these sensations, even as Fear crept into her consciousness, uninvited.  Bandia sensed her daughter’s disease and sought to calm her, “No, M’na, there is nothing to fear.  The Dohman of Mac en Mor is very far away. Great Spirit has forbidden him to come near this World or to touch its creatures.”
M’na protested. “But, Mother, isn’t some part that is just like him going to be placed within the soul of my new companion-from his Father?”

Bandia disliked admitting she had the same inhibitions, even to herself; and she trusted Inion and Mor when they assured her of Mac’s healing and increased Love, overcoming the emptiness from which he had formed his first Son. It was necessary to try and bring these two parts of the Original Essence together once more.  The only other choice would be for all to return to the Source as Original thought.  None in Existence desired this, for it would mean the end of their experience. This new experiment had much promise!

to be continued……
“There is but a breath between Heaven and Hell,

and in that breath you can say, ‘I will love.'”

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